Jan's Poetry Place

Short Stories

Answers

As I waited for my transport to come and pick me up, outside the hospital, I was thinking about what Dr. M. said to me a few minutes ago. I had just left my appointment with him, feeling both relieved and scared. I couldn’t believe I had finally got some answers! Great, I thought, but this is so overwhelming, it’s hard to take it all in…

Finally my transport came and we headed off out of the city.

Oh, I hate the city, I thought, I’ll be so glad when I get home! Yes, and no more appointments with Dr. M. for a while, well, not for another 3 months…great!

During the 2 hour trip home, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Dr. M. said. It seems I’ve had this “thing”, this “malformation” all my life and never knew it! It’s so strange, but then it explains so much, and gives me answers to the symptoms, the problems, the minor disabilities, I’ve lived with all my life! I feel excited but scared at the same time, how can this be? I should be happy…oh, I am! I don’t have a terminal illness! I’m not going to die! Yes, I will live! I just have something “wrong” with my brain, it’s just a little ummm…“different”!

But how can I tell anyone else? How can I explain it? They wouldn’t know what it is, they’ve probably never even heard of it! They wouldn’t understand, it’s something that no one can see anyway…

Ah, I don’t care, it’s my little secret! I tell myself as Dr. M’s words repeat over and over in my head. Wow, I’m still trying to get my head around this diagnosis, these answers I thought I would never find!

But…sure, I have answers now. But…there is no cure for this “condition” or this “malformation”, as he called it! I have to live with it for the rest of my life…..

{©2009 Jan Brooks}

 

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Arachnoid Cysts (It’s all in your head?)

 

Don’t you just hate it when your Neurologist or Neurosurgeon tells you that your Arachnoid Cyst, (That you have finally been diagnosed with, and suffering severe symptoms from...)…is NOT causing your symptoms!

After a statement like that from a specialist, a doctor who should know about  these things…someone you are meant to trust…you are shocked and your thoughts are going crazy…

“Why would he say that?” “How would he really know?” “He doesn’t know what it’s like inside my head, he can’t feel my pain!” “These are all the classic symptoms of these Cysts…why won’t he believe me?” “What do I do now?”

After you have thought about this for a moment, your first reaction is to challenge his comments…

“What else could be causing these horrible headaches, and these other symptoms? It has to be the Cyst, there was nothing else found on the scans! These symptoms are real; they are not just ‘In my head’ as you keep telling me!” At that point, it’s hard not to ‘lose it’ and tell him what you really think of him and his comments! But you keep your composure and think… “He’s wrong, I know he is! I’m not going to listen to any more of his dismissive comments about Arachnoid Cysts being incidental findings, and that they are nothing to worry about, and that they don’t cause any symptoms…it’s just not true!”

You eventually leave your appointment with him, after getting nowhere…and you’re left feeling angry, disappointed, frustrated, stressed and in pain…and wondering why these doctors never listen!

You decide it’s time to look for another Neurologist or Neurosurgeon, although this one was your second…or was it your third one? You’re not sure, it’s hard to think straight when your head is hurting so much!

Maybe the next one will listen, maybe he will take you seriously…just maybe…..

{©2009 Jan Brooks}